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It's a little clichéd to say of a tow vehicle that you don't even feel the trailer, but we were shocked by how literally true that is in the Ram. There's a slight laziness from the rear end when changing lanes, but other than that, it's easy to forget that the jerk tailgating you is actually a car you attached to your rear bumper. The air springs pump up to maintain ride height, the ride remains as imperturbable as it does when the truck is unladen, and the miles fade into, well, not memory, because there's nothing memorable about them except how unremarkable they are. This is an outstanding tow rig. Proof: The only complaint any of us could come up with regarding its trailering behavior was that the turn signals don't have a one-touch six-blink function in tow mode.

Even such a small omission is surprising, though, because the Ram is far and away the most thoughtfully executed full-size pickup in existence. For starters, it looks like a Mercedes-Benz S-class exploded inside. It looks more like the S-class in here than even an E-class does, particularly in the dark-blue/cream (Indigo/Frost per Ram) combo sported by this truck.

The Limited's nickel-finish metallic trim and striped black wood mean even the standard black interior is handsome enough, but the no-cost two-tone option with contrasting stitching and piping seems ripped from the pages of a luxury-brand ordering guide. There are even little stitched-leather corsets on the A-pillar grab handles, and one staffer likened the filigrees sewn into the door panels and seats to lower-back tattoos. Speaking of Mercedes, did you know that the German word for said tattoos is Arschgeweih? It translates to "ass antlers."

It might seem silly to laud a pickup truck, even one as bougie as the Ram Limited, for the size of its infotainment screen. But ask yourself: If my pickup has a screen, would I like it to be small or large?

Staff technophiles liked that the huge 12.0-inch touchscreen can be split in two, say, to show Apple CarPlay on top and navigation on the bottom. And everybody was blown away by the 19-speaker Harman/Kardon sound system, especially the brushed-metal speakers embedded above the rear-seat passengers' heads. While the Ram's enormous two-row sunroof, like the Ford's, cuts into headroom for the tallest rear occupants, the Ram's rear seats slide and recline, allowing those passengers to choose their priority: head- or legroom.

The Ram is not without its imperfections. It, too, uses some aluminum in its construction—the tailgate, engine mounts, steering gear, lower front control arms (the uppers are composite), and transmission crossmember—but at 6102 pounds, it's 500 and 600 pounds heavier, respectively, than the Ford and the Chevy. Combine that with the weakest (but best-sounding) engine of the bunch, and it's slow. FCA claims the $1450 eTorque system is good for a momentary torque boost of up to 130 pound-feet, but neither the seat of our pants nor our stopwatch could attest to that. Not only is the Ram slow, but its brake pedal is, in Tingwall's words, "softer than the belly of a 23-pound cat." And he'd know. When his tabby, Scooter, lays down—so always—she looks like a puddle of cat with a head floating in it.

The Ram, on the other hand, is a gooey puddle of luxury sedan with a tow hitch poking out from the rear bumper. It's a toy hauler that is itself a toy. It's our new favorite full-size pickup. And it's worth the money.